LeAnne urinated furiously as she overheard two younger women singing about mermaids in the adjoining stall. She had been enjoying a game a of billiards with her husband moments before, but the urge for release had driven here, to the ladies' room in the corner of the dingy bar. As she clumsily thumbed the toilet paper roll with her splinted finger, she yelled over the wall of the metal stall " You girls have beautiful voices. Ever think about being on broadway?" They continued singing for a few seconds before answering, and confronted her as she exited the stall. The taller of the two, who was wearing a brown hat answered her question saying "Oh yeah. Broadway. I was offered a position , but turned it down to become a clown." At this, the shorter bespectacled woman gave a brief snicker, looking surprised. This excited her, and she asked the woman for her card. "Oh sure I have a car." the stranger replied somewhat drunkenly. " No. Do you have a card?" LeAnne repeated. "Yes. I have a tiny tiny car and giant pants" the woman in the hat said loudly. Leanne made one more attempt, using her fingers to form the rectangular shape of a business card, "Do you have CARD? Where I can call you? I have a bunch of kids." A wave of humiliated understanding swept over the woman and her cheeks reddened slightly as she said too loudly "A card? Oh no. I'm a private clown." LeAnne was confused at this. She had never heard of a private clown, but feigned recognition with a sexually suggestive grin. "Not like that. Oh no. I'm not a sexy clown." All three of the women laughed nervously, wondering where the conversation was going.
LeAnne ended the awkward silence with "Well at least you're not a mean clown. I hired a mean clown by accident once." She paused and took a breath as both of the strangers gazed at her curiously. "Well, I ran over my kid a few years ago." The woman in the hat laughed bemusedly while the other stared at Leanne in wide-eyed horror. "Oh. Well he was alright" she continued "but when he came home with tubes coming out of his nose we threw him a party. You know. We invited all the kids from the neighborhood and I hired a clown." Wondering why she was telling this story, LeAnne went on "So this clown shows up three hours late, drunk off his ass, and starts yelling at my kid. I got right in his face," she said as she jabbed her splinted pointer finger toward the taller woman's face, "and I said 'Hey! This is a survival party, and I'm not paying you!' I paid his wife half later, but I told him never to come back to my house again."
All three woman stood in silence, and again LeAnne was the first to speak "So are you really a clown?" she asked the woman in the hat who was washing her hands. "Oh yeah. I'm a real clown." she replied over her shoulder. "I'm a graduate of the clown college in Baraboo Wisconsin." LeAnne looked at her incredulously, "Noooooo. You're not really a clown. Look at me. Look me in the eye and tell me you're a clown." LeAnne demanded. "Okay." The stranger consented and bored into LeAnne's eyes " I. Am. A . Clown" she said seriously but giggled as she added "I even have a rubber nose." LeAnne pointed at the stranger again, this time saying "See, I knew you weren't really a clown, but I love those rubber noses. I love dressing up for all of my kids." Both women laughed at her as she realized it was time to leave. "Oh my hubby's waiting for me. I better hit the road." she said as she pushed the door open. The stranger's waved mockingly and continued giggling as she left the bathroom
She left the bar shortly afterward with her husband, and drove sloppily back to their suburban home. She climbed the stairs drunkenly to get ready for bed and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. After spitting, she opened a small plastic case on the edge of her sink. She pulled out the small red rubber nose sitting inside and placed it firmly around her nose. She smiled at herself in the mirror, and made her way to the bedroom where her husband was waiting for her wearing a curly red wig, and sporting white face paint. They kissed passionately, her rubber nose shifting slightly. She turned around his arms, falling asleep, and spent the night swept up in dreams of dancing elephants and trapeze artists.
