Gregor and the Cracker Mishap

The small bearded man took joy in the little salted crackers.  He opened his mouth wide in anticipation and knocked a hearty handful of Asian delicacies down his eager gullet.  Masticating, the man fell back in horror at the memory of a mortifying childhood incident occurring June 21, 1989:  A large grasshopper, brown.  crisp, entered his mouth unexpectedly as he sat in a wicker seat.  The grass quivered, the sprinkler sprinkled.  Dude was choking. . .and the salty critter tumbled in his startled mouth.  Aware that his beloved was watching, he chewed twice in surprise and shuttered at the bitter taste of shame.

  He smiled a wormy grin and reached for another sizeable installment of rice crackers.  At once, the sprinkler turned on, twitching in its nervous pattern, and he turned and took pause, alarmed at this:  a second reminder of his former embarrassment.  He recalled the X-ray that had revealed the grasshopper live and running the length of each rib like Sisyphus, like the eternally damned.  A whispy shadow in a darkened chamber.  

With every swing of the wok, the bag of rice crackers edged closer and closer to the corner of the counter.  Eventually, the bag slipped off and slopped onto the linoleum floor to join the victim.  Soon the plastic of the cracker bag was spattered with shiny blood droplets.  The bearded man's behemoth cat Gregor had desperately attempted to clean himself in the sink at the discovery that his massive haunches were too wide for his antiseptic tongue to reach.  Through these efforts, Gregor sustained a nine - inch slice through the belly carelessly given at the hand of a neglected butcher knife resting on the counter.  The bearded man heard a banshee - like yelp; a call to fell weeping willows, to stir cold lakes into crested waves, to ignite the fires of the ashiest hearths, and the most heartless bellies.  "My beloved," he thought.  

Trouble arose when a group of punks emerged from a shrub ,sporting bicep tattoos and necklaces.  Melvin immediately cowered and offered them his weekend funds, but they craved the taste of blood.  Fin.